The Try Tank
With an chronic and unpredictable body, there are times that I say to people, “My try tank is empty”.
I feel that the combination of wellness culture, toxic positivity, and inspirational disabled people means that the effort it takes to trudge through sludge of chronic illness is not something very well understood.
Or perhaps it’s not even at the point of understanding yet, as it still lacks respect.
The thing is, there’s a pressure that I’ve felt (and I assume others with disabilities and/or chronic health conditions have felt this also), and the pressure comes from all sides.
Your medical team expects you to be on top of everything. Your physiotherapist expects you to do your stretches and exercises perfectly every day. Your GP may lose interest in you if you don’t get better. You never know when a whim of anti-chronic health issues in medicine will cut off medications because you didn’t heal. Your psychologist thinks you’ll be self-aware at all times, using tools and techniques to stay perfectly happy.
And that’s if you’re lucky enough to find and access a medical team.
On the next level of “if you’re lucky enough” comes employment. Make sure you don’t have flares at work. Get appointments outside of working hours. Yes, even the ones in the public health system that you have no control over. Try not to have sick days for chronic things because you’ll use them up and have none for when the next acute bug sweeps through the office. Plus, try to plan your flares away from your annual leave, because really, you’re being greedy and having too much time off. Don’t have a bad pain week when your tolerance for everything, but especially bureaucracy, has worn you down.
I am sure that everyone has a variant of the Try Tank. I don’t believe in competition of “who has it worst” or “be thankful, someone else has it worse than you” (ok but I don’t want anyone to have things worse than me). What empties my Try Tank may be a blip in your day.